A Glass Can Only Spill What It Contains

Travel Plans Thwarted

2009-11-05T14:04:00.001-08:00

Me: hi mom
Me: guess what
Mom: what?
Me: i can go from new york to warsaw for $621
Mom: oh boy
Me: i know
Me: in january
Mom: you have a dentist appt in january

The spin of the earth impaled the silhouette of the sun on the steeple

2009-10-25T10:23:00.001-07:00

Oh Comely

2009-10-19T21:37:00.001-07:00

2009-09-29T20:26:00.000-07:00

-(-

2009-09-28T17:05:00.001-07:00

The vessel keeps pumping us through this zentropic place
In the belly of the beast that is Californ-i-a,
I drank from a faucet and I kept my receipts
For when the weigh me on my way out
(Here nothing is free).
The greyhounds keep coming
Dumping locusts into the street
Until the gutters overflow
And Los Angeles thinks,
"I might explode someday soon."

I was cute

2009-06-14T22:52:00.001-07:00

Here are my writings:

"today Mom, me, josh, and David went to Target me and josh got bubble gum and we went to the orange mall I got candy and so did Josh it was a great day."

"Me and Josh got beanie babies Josh got an elephant and I got a spider Me and Josh liked them a lot. It was a great day."

"Today me and mom got our nails painted. Mom got red I got purple with sparkles"

"Today was Bill graduation it was funny because bill was embarrassed because we droth(??) the bells and he said not the bells."

"at Bill graduation me and josh was so thirsty but mom said we had to wait then josh saw a water fountain we where so happy then mom had to leave mary was sad."

"Yesterday was the practice wedding for Lisa and Ken. I was then flower girl then we went. I drawed pictures for them and Adam because mom that "wode he delos". so i drawed a picture for adam they were pretty."

"at the party
i danced
i danced with mon and dad and joshie
i disco-ed"

"yesterday they dug a big hole its so big and so tall and then they quitted"

Brutus

2009-05-27T03:19:00.000-07:00

I was familiar with Brutus, the one featured in Shakespeare's classic line "Et tu, Brute." But what I didn't know was that there were two Brutuses who took part in Caeser's assassination, Brutus Albinus and Brutus Marcus. But only one Brutus (Marcus) gets all the headlines. That poor sap, Brutus Albinus, also a protoge of Caeser's, needed a better publicist. "Et tu, Brute. Et tu, Brute, too?" I can't be certain, but the forgotten Brutus seems to have been more powerful than one at the time. After the assassination, this Brutus led an army against Antony; he lost, and was killed by a Gallic chieftain on Antony's orders. Ignored by history or killed by a Frenchman- I'm not sure which is sadder.

21 hours of text

2009-05-26T14:22:00.000-07:00

S.N. (06:28p) Haha yes! That’s so awesome. Dwight is blackshirt?
To S.N. (06:30) It’s really more of a light taupe :/ But I’m suspicious …
S.N. (06:32p) I bet he is…Also uno is only 400 points
D.F. (06:34p) Well…fine. I’ll just do it myself. Now you’ll never know what was in there. Your loss…
To S.N. (06:35p) Awesome. I’m in a heated Civ game right now, but I’m going to purchase it right after. If you figure out how to transfer points I’ll give you uno as an early bday gift
To D.F. (06:36p) Let me guess…a Final Fight shirt I have already been gifted, some lint, and loose pocket change.
S.N (06:38p) Apparently you have the option to give them as a gift when you buy them. You can also get them on amazon.
To S.N. (06:41p) Ooo got it
S.N. (06:41p) Really?! : )
To S.N. (06:42p) Yeah, 400 points is what, 5 bucks
S.N. (06:47p) Yeah it’s 5 bucks even on amazon
To S.N. (06:48p) Sweet
S.N. (06:49) Also how stoked is tdl on new cod this year
To S.N. (06:50p) How afraid are you to get whooped by TDL in new cod?
D.F. (06:51p) Forget it, you’ll have to live on w/out ever knowing. In other news: I got a new Lewd Acts 7” w/ a pretty neat zine attached to it. You have any of their stuff?
S.N. (06:51p) Pretty damn scared. Especially of his shit talk
To D.F. (06:52p) Which 7”? And no, I actually don’t but I have it downloaded onto my computer.:x
To S.N. (06:54p) Obviously. It’s been a while, he’s got tons of new material. Plus he’s working on his “man voice” watch out
D.F. (06:55p) Lung Patrol. The zine was included at the release show last year, really cool artwork in it and the cover’s transparent. I downloaded it, too…no biggie haha.
S.N. (06:55p) Oh eff i’m screwed aren’t i?
To D.F. (06:57p) I always feel really guilty if I don’t buy it on vinyl/cd or at least a shirt or something
To S.N. (06:57p) You never had a chance.
S.N. (06:58p) I will do my best but i know i can’t stand up to him
D.F. (06:58p) Ah, I know what you mean. I think that 7”’s pretty close to being out of print. The band sold out, as did the label’s store. I think Deathwish still has some?
To S.N (06:69p) “That’s how we do round hereee!”
S.N (07:00p) So good. When you’re done we’ll uno?
To D.F (07:00p) Yeah, I get my allowance tomorrow ;)
To S.N. (07:01p) For suresies
D.F. (07:02p) Allowance.. it’s been so long since I got any, haha
S.N. (07:02p) You’ll probably win
To S.N. (07:04p) Without a doubt. I carry the Hannah Montana version on me at all times.
S.N. (07:04p) Shit you may finally have my number liz
To S.N. (07:05p) Wut?
To D.F. (07:05p) :P
S.N. (07:05p) As in you may finally beat me in something
To S.N. (07:06p) Remember when I beat you in Civ once? I’ve gotten a lot better
S.N. (07:08p) And I haven’t played in forever. But I still always destroyed you.
D.F. (07:08p) I’m green.
To S.N. (07:08p) You never destroyed ME just everyone else
To D.F. (07:10p) Me too…with dolla dolla billz!
S.N. (07:10p) I’ve destroyed you quite a few times.
D.F. (07:11p) In that case…I think there are quite a few more records you need to order tomorrow
To S.N. (07:11p) No! We never fought each other! I just built wonders and cities and you attacked everyone
S.N. (07:12p) Did you forget the times we did fight?
To D.F. (07:12p) I have more pressing issues! Like shoes..and buying enough gas to get me to Ontario ;)
To S.N. (07:13p) Maybe I just blocked that all out
S.N.(07:14p) It was clearly traumatizing
To S.N. (07:14p) I just dislike violence
D.F. (07:15p) I said I’m sorry…! Haha, besides records > shoes. Anyday.
S.N. (07:15p) Yeah you’re a true pacifist
To D.F. (07:15p) Woah woah woah…don’t say anything you may regret!
To S.N. (07:16p) I love being an instigator but hate the actual act : (
S.N. (07:17p) Sounds like you
D.F. (07:17p) Shoes..pffffft. Get Pulling Teeth’s new LP instead…or Defeaters…or Trap Them’s…or get me a gift card to Taco Bell
To S.N. (07:18p) You don’t know me!!
To D.F. (07:19p) To Target, you say?? Also I had to drive thru Taco Bell today../shudder
S.N. (07:19p) Yes i do! You’re liz!
To S.N. (07:20p) That’s just what I want you to think..
S.N. (07:21p) Who are you really?
To S.N. (07:21p) Steve Neal
S.N. (07:23p) Then who am I?
To S.N. (07:23p) The smoke monster
D.F. (07:23p) What made you wise up?
To D.F. (07:24p) ……: |
S.N. (07:25p) How did you know?!
A.K (07:25p) What color is your dress? I need to get my vest and tie to match. And I work until 4 Saturday so is that ok?
D.F. (07:25p) Well What did you order?
To S.N. (07:26p) All this shoe nonsense…you gave yourself away!
To A.K. (07:26p) Ahhh Amir, I thought I texted you. I decided not to go anymore. I’m sooo sorry. I really hope that it’s okay with you
S.N. (07:27p) : (
To D.F. (07:28p) I ordered my LITTLE BROTHER two soft tacos
A.K. (07:28p) Oh its ok. Don’t worry about it
To S.N. (07:29p) I’m sorry…it was just so obvious…
D.F. (07:30p) You had to’ve eaten something…Also, David knows what’s up food-wise. Kudos to him.
To A.K. (07:30p) Sorry again!! : (
A.K. (07:31p) No worries its totally fine
To D.F. (07:31p) Just because you are united by Thunder…
To A.K. (07:31p) Alright, call me and we’ll hang out, yo
D.F. (07:32p) Davids unite. We all know Taco Bell reigns supreme in the land of fast foods
A.K. (07:32p) Can we make out also
S.N. (07:34p) Just don’t tell anyone please?
To D.F. (07:34p) Taco bell is the lowest “restaurant” on the Mexican totem pole.
D.F. (07:35p) FALSE.
To S.N. (07:35p) Can I post it on just one LOST forum?
S.N. (07:36p) No! I could lose my job over this!
To D.F. (07:36p) Just admit it! (Admit it!!!)
To S.N. (07:37p) You killed Jacob! Have you no shame?
S.N. (07:39) Wasn’t me
To S.N. (07:39p) Okay, Shaggy.
D.F. (07:39p) Never. You’ll realize your mistakes later…
S.N. (07:40p) Haha, well played
To D.F. (07:40p) Oh?! And when will this be?
To S.N. (07:41p) Thanks, I accept donations
S.N. (07:43p) I has no money : (
To S.N. (07:44p) What use are you of?!
S.N. (07:46p) Uno buddy?
To S.N. (07:46p) It’ll have to do…AFTER I take down Red China
S.N. (07:48p) Fuck em up liz!
To S.N. (07:48p) I have 6 tank armies…’Nuff said
S.N. (07:49p) Yeah they dead
To S.N. (07:51p) Already have my victory dance prepared
S.N. (07:52p) Aw man I wish I could see it
To S.N. (07:53p) It’s a robot/scuba diver hybrid
S.N. (07:53p) Would pay to see
To S.N. (07:54p) This frivolous spending is why you have none
D.F.(07:56p) Sooner than you think.
S.N. (07:56p) : (
To D.F. (07:56p) Are you threatening me?
To S.N. (07:57p) Don’t sad-face me, I’m only trying to help
D.F. (07:56p) I’m extending a hand…to help
To D.F. (07:58p) If by help, you mean poison me, great. Just great.
S.N. (08:00p) It just hurts to hear the truth
To S.N. (08:01p) This is a trying time. I’m here to help.
D.F. (08:02p) Je n’entend de empoisonne a vous…
S.N. (08:02p) Thanks for always being there for me liz
To D.F. (08:04p) Get with the times. They are FREEDOM fries for a reason
To S.N. (08:04p) What are XBL friends for?

Middle pages wouldn't scan for some reason.....

This week I will die of anticipation

2009-02-15T11:48:00.001-08:00

I lied

2008-12-11T22:28:00.000-08:00

How many hours a day do you spend in front of a television screen? A computer screen? A screen of a car window? What are you being screened from? How much of your life comes at you through a screen, vicariously while you sit and watch? Is watching things as exciting as doing things? Do you have enough time to do all the things you want to? Do you even have enough energy to?
Do you think for yourself, independently, or do you take others' words for truth? How often do you find yourself repeating something you heard another say without it having any bearing on your personal experience; your personal truth? How are you affected by standardized time, designed solely to synchronize your movements with those of billions of other people? How long do you go without knowing what time it is? Who or what controls your minutes and hours? The minutes and hours that add up to your life.
How do you feel in large crowds of anonymous masses? Do you find yourself blocking your emotional responses to other human beings? Can you put value on a beautiful day? How many dollars an hour salary does it take to stay inside and sell things or file papers for someone else? What will you later buy that will make up for this day in your life?

Do you have ideas or do ideas have you?

Steal it back.

How are you affected by being moved around in prescribed paths, in elevators, buses, subways, highways, and sidewalks? By moving, living, and working in two- and three-dimensional grids? How are you affected by being immobilized, organized, and scheduled..instead if wandering, roaming freely? How much freedom of movement do you have?
How often are you waiting? Waiting in line, waiting in traffic, waiting to eat, waiting to use the bathroom, waiting for the bus (learning to punish and control your natural urges).

Do videotapes of your friends and yourself fascinate you, as if somehow you are more real in image form? Would a movie about your life be interesting? How do you feel about the constant, non-stop barrage of audio, visuals, and billboard that guide you through endless advertisements?

How often does your happiness come in conjunction with buying something?
Have you ever asked yourself these things?
Do you ever feel inexorably lonely?
Are you really happy?
Do you ever feel like you're going to lose control?

Do you have the energy to create change?

Family of Man

2008-10-29T22:30:00.000-07:00

As a young girl, I dreamt of the day I would get married. I had it all planned out. White roses would adorn each table along with handwritten place settings. Silverware with delicate, gold leafing would rest upon only the finest filet mignon. My dress would be white, covered in lace, held together with rhinestones and delicate beading. Walking down the aisle, holding onto my father’s arm, I would catch the glances of family and friends, acknowledging them with a muted smile and nod. Looking up at my future husband, I would see tears of happiness welling in his eyes.
Jacob didn’t cry.
I didn’t have the reception of my dreams. I didn’t have a reception at all. My father refused to even show up. My mother cried, but not because she was overwhelmed with happiness. None of my friends came. Who wants to see a 4-month pregnant woman in an off-white dress?
As a young girl, I dreamt of the day I would have my first child. I had it all planned out. My husband and I would adorningly nurture the baby, cataloguing its very development with journals and photographs. He would be a well-behaved child, roughhousing with our German shepherd, Sam, as the pot roast cooled on the stovetop. My adoring husband, reading the daily paper after a long day of work, child in lap, gently patting his head.
I never picture my life like this. Two and a half years later, staring at the ocean. My son and I. Alone. No father, no husband. No friends. Why would I have friends? Look at me. A 22-year-old mother of 1 with prematurely graying hair and wrinkles from stress, from worry, from disappointment. Even though the beach is crowded this Labor Day weekend, no one will come near enough me to be roped into conversation. No one is far enough away to ignore the whispering, however.
Daniel is oblivious to it, though, as any child should. He’s too young to understand not all families consist of one parent. He’s too young to understand that he shouldn’t be growing up sleeping in his own mother’s childhood bedroom, repainted a unassuming white. He’s too young to understand that he doesn’t have friends because the other boy’s mother don’t want their children or themselves to be associated with us.
Wading and splashing in the water alongside his stout, overweight Boston Terrier, Grape, things get chaotic. Grape scratches Daniel’s face. Tears ensue. If only my tears were the result of physical pain. Something that can be fixed with a kiss and a juice-box.
We attempt to build a sandcastle but the tide keeps washing away the foundation. We try to capture sand-crabs but they all slip through the spaces in my fingers.
“Why does everything keep getting ruined?”
“I don’t know, Sweetheart.”
As the day drones on more and more people leave, or at least move farther and farther away. Our shadows become greater and farther and farther away. Daniel spends the next 30 minutes admiring the larger version of himself. He is so amused, I’ve never seen him so happy. Would he be as happy if he knows he ruined my life?